What Does “Gifted and Talented” Really Mean for Parents?
When most people hear “gifted and talented,” they think of high grades or a child who reads early. But parenting a gifted child is more than that.
Gifted kids often have big ideas, deep thoughts, and intense feelings. They may be great at solving problems but struggle with emotions or social skills. Some ask nonstop questions, while others stay quiet and keep their worries inside.
From the outside, it might look like they’re doing just fine. But at home, you might see the meltdowns, the perfectionism, or the deep fear of not being “enough.”
That’s when doubt creeps in, and you start to wonder if you’re doing enough, too.
The Myths and Truths of Raising Gifted and Talented Children
Let’s clear up some common myths.
Myth #1: Gifted and talented kids don’t need help.
Truth: These children often need more support than others, especially with emotions, social struggles, or boredom in school.
Myth #2: Gifted means good at everything.
Truth: Many gifted and talented children are advanced in one area and behind in others. This is called uneven or asynchronous development.
Myth #3: They’re emotionally mature.
Truth: Gifted and talented children often feel things deeply but don’t yet have the tools to manage those big emotions.
Myth #4: If they’re smart, they’ll be successful.
Truth: Intelligence doesn’t protect kids from stress, burnout, or self-doubt. In fact, it can make those things worse if their needs aren’t understood.
These myths can make parents feel confused and even ashamed. You might feel like you’re failing when the reality is: your child needs a different kind of parenting.
The Emotional Ride of Parenting a Gifted and Talented Child
Let’s be honest – it’s a lot.
Some days, parenting a gifted and talented child feels magical. They say something brilliant or solve a problem in a way that amazes you.
Other days, you feel exhausted, confused, or even helpless. You might lie awake wondering:
- Am I pushing too hard?
- Am I not pushing enough?
- Am I missing something important?
You’re not alone. These feelings are real and valid. Parenting a gifted child can feel isolating, especially when friends or family don’t understand what makes your child different.
Here’s one simple thing you can do right now: name your emotion. Are you feeling anxious? Overwhelmed? Guilty?
Naming your emotion helps shift your brain from the reactive zone (where you might snap or shut down) to the thinking zone. This is called emotional regulation. When you name what you’re feeling, your body and brain start to calm down.
Take a deep breath. Place your hand on your heart or somewhere that feels grounding. Remind yourself, “This is hard, but I’m doing the best I can.”
By doing this, you’re modeling something powerful for your child:
That feelings are normal, and we can handle them in healthy ways. You’re teaching emotional awareness without even saying a word.
It’s okay to not have all the answers. What matters most is that you care and you’re trying.
So What Does This Mean and What Can You Do?
If you’re parenting a gifted and talented child, here are a few steps that can help right now:
- Understand their uneven development
Your child might read like a teenager but melt down like a toddler. That’s normal for gifted and talented children. Once you accept this, it’s easier to support their real needs. - Focus on emotional growth
Talk about feelings. Say things like, “It’s okay to feel frustrated,” or “You seem sad, want to tell me more?” Helping your child name their emotions builds trust and resilience. - Praise effort over talent
Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” try, “You worked hard on that.” This helps prevent perfectionism and fear of failure. Gifted and talented kids often tie their self-worth to success, so make sure they know mistakes are okay. - Keep them challenged, but not overwhelmed
Gifted and talented children need opportunities to stretch their minds. Let them explore deep questions, create their own projects, or dive into topics they love. But don’t overschedule or expect constant achievement. Downtime is healthy, too. - Find your support system
You don’t have to do this alone. Talk to other parents, join a group, or connect with experts who understand gifted and talented parenting. Just knowing you’re not alone can bring relief.
Try This Today: A Simple Check-In
Take five minutes with your child and ask:
- “Is anything at school feeling too easy or boring?”
- “What’s something that feels hard right now?”
- “How do you feel when things don’t go the way you hoped?”
Then listen without jumping in to fix. Just reflect back what you hear.
Try saying, “That makes sense,” or “Thank you for telling me that.” This simple conversation helps your child feel seen and gives you a clearer picture of what they really need.
You Are Not Falling Behind
If you’re asking, “What if I’m not doing enough?” it means you’re tuned in. You’re trying. You care. And that matters more than you think.
Gifted and talented children don’t need perfect parents. They need present ones. They need safe spaces to explore, mess up, talk, and grow.